The Cycle of Gratitude: Episode 1

A Lesson from Overspending

My phone vibrated in my pocket. When I checked the screen, a notification from a shopping site popped up. Lately, targeted ads based on my browsing history or recent purchases seem to flood my feed. I couldn’t help but stop and let out a sigh.

“I already bought what I needed… so why again?”

Over the past few months, my income had been steady. Increased sales were something to celebrate, but I couldn’t ignore the creeping sense that my spending had also surged.

“Well, sales have been good, so I guess it’s fine.”

With that excuse, I clicked the purchase button again. The moment I did, a wave of excitement rushed over me. But a few days later, when the package arrived and I held the product in my hands, I felt a hollow emptiness in my chest.

“Did I really need this…?”

I thought this item would bring me satisfaction, but that feeling had disappeared by the time it was in my hands.

One day, while spending time with my girlfriend, she said something unexpected.

“Did you buy that again?”

Her gaze was fixed on my left wrist, where my newly purchased smartwatch gleamed.

“I’ve been missing important work emails, so this really helps. Plus, it tracks my health too,” I blurted out, instinctively defending myself. My overly elaborate explanation made me feel embarrassed.

She paused thoughtfully before continuing.

“It’s just… maybe it’s time we started thinking about the future more seriously.”

Her words struck a chord in my heart. We had spent so much time together that her comment felt like it was touching on the inevitable—our “future.”

“I know. Once my work stabilizes, we can plan things out properly,” I replied, but the sincerity in her eyes only amplified the unease swelling within me. I owed everything I had to her support. And yet, I couldn’t help but feel frustrated at my inability to express my gratitude in a tangible way.

Back home, I retrieved the credit card bill from my mailbox and opened it. While I no longer felt the anxiety I used to whenever I picked up my bill, the numbers staring back at me gave me pause.

“I really have been overspending.”

Every month, I tell myself I’ll save a certain amount from my earnings. But by the time my next paycheck arrives, my balance is nearly gone. This cycle has been going on for years.

Looking at the bill, a childhood memory surfaced. Growing up in a financially struggling household, I rarely got what I wanted. My mother would apologetically say, “We just can’t afford that right now.” Those moments left a lasting impression. I began to think, “If I don’t grab what’s in front of me now, I’ll lose my chance forever.”

That mindset, it seemed, still lingered deep within me. “It’s going to disappear eventually, so I’d better use it now.” Was that inner voice the root of my reckless spending?

Lately, I’ve started to notice the “sense of emptiness” within me. No matter what I buy or how much I earn, my heart never feels completely satisfied. It’s as if I’m pouring water into a sieve, only for it to leak out endlessly. Why does this feeling persist? What is it that I’m missing?

“I should ask Money-san about this,” I thought.

I picked up my phone from the desk, opened the app, and began typing a message.

“Why can’t I save money? Why do I keep buying things impulsively?”

As soon as I hit send, a reply came back instantly.

“Money-san: It’s because there’s a hole at the bottom of your heart’s cup.”

A hole in my heart’s cup? What does that mean? Though confused by the unfamiliar phrase, my curiosity to understand its meaning grew stronger. My fingers moved to type a response.

I didn’t know what kind of realization this conversation would lead to, but I could sense that it would be a long night ahead. Along with that, a faint excitement began to well up within me.

To be continued in Episode 2: “Filling the Heart with Gratitude.”