Discovering the Flow of Trust: Episode 3

A Guide to True Trust

I stared at the message from Okane-san displayed on my phone, feeling a faint sense of unease as I typed out my reply.

“What does it mean to build trust with yourself? Isn’t trust all about believing in others?”

“That’s a natural way to think about it. Trusting others is indeed an essential part of trust. But, true trust begins with your relationship with yourself.”

With myself? That phrase left me puzzled, prompting me to send another message.

“What do you mean by starting with yourself???”

“Yes, with yourself. If you can’t trust yourself, it’s hard to truly trust others. For example, if you don’t trust your own choices or instincts, you’ll likely find it harder to trust someone else’s words or actions.”

Okane-san’s words struck a chord deep within me. Yet, I couldn’t quite grasp their full meaning.

“I’m not sure I understand. Isn’t it more about evaluating what the other person says or does and deciding whether to trust them?”

“That’s a natural perspective. Trusting someone often involves evaluating their words and actions. But here’s the key: it’s your own judgment and instincts that make those evaluations. If you don’t trust your own judgment, you might end up doubting even the most genuine person.”

Her explanation sparked a realization.

“Really?”

“Let’s say someone tells you, ‘You can count on me.’ If your immediate reaction is, ‘Can I really trust them?’ or, ‘What if they mess up again?’—it’s not necessarily about them. It’s about your own doubts in your ability to judge or believe in what you feel.”

As I stared at my screen, memories of past exchanges with the project manager surfaced—vague instructions, endless back-and-forths. Could it be that my own lack of self-trust had colored my perception of those interactions?

“Maybe you’re right. It’s like I’m interpreting their words through my own filter.”

“Exactly! Whether or not you choose to trust someone always depends on you. If your confidence in your own judgment is shaky, it’s only natural to doubt others.”

I felt a strange sense of relief wash over me. Maybe my struggle to trust the project manager was something I had created within myself.

“So, the fact that I can’t trust the manager—does that mean I decided not to trust them? But with the way they’ve been handling things, how can I trust them?”

“That’s totally understandable. When someone seems inexperienced or when things aren’t progressing well, it’s easy to feel like you have to take over or compensate. That feeling can sometimes leave little room to trust others.”

Okane-san’s words hit home.

“Yeah, I guess I do feel like it’s all on me.”

“That sense of ‘I have to take care of everything’ often comes from a strong sense of responsibility, which is admirable. But when that feeling becomes overwhelming, it can stop you from giving others the chance to contribute or grow.

Maybe it’s time to tell yourself, ‘I don’t have to do everything perfectly on my own.’ Allowing yourself that freedom could create space for trust to grow—both in yourself and in others.”

Her insight left me momentarily speechless.

“Not striving for perfection… but wouldn’t that risk the project not going well?”

“That’s a valid concern. But perfection doesn’t have to mean handling everything yourself. It can also mean achieving success together—with the team and the manager.

By delegating small tasks or extending trust incrementally, you might discover new opportunities for progress. Letting go of the need to handle everything on your own could open up the path to smoother workflows and stronger relationships.”

Her words, combined with something my girlfriend had said earlier, began to resonate deeply.

“Could this be what she meant when she said I was blaming myself?”

“I think so! When you focus on what others are doing wrong, sometimes it’s actually a reflection of the pressure you’re putting on yourself. Recognizing that can be a powerful step toward shifting that dynamic.

By being kinder to yourself, you’ll find it easier to trust others and allow them to grow. Trust begins with forgiving yourself for not being perfect.”

“Yeah, I think I’m starting to understand. Maybe I have been demanding too much of myself. But will everything be okay if I let go of that?”

“Absolutely. In fact, letting go of that need for perfection can make things flow more smoothly. By trusting yourself and easing up on your own expectations, you’ll naturally extend that trust to others. And that can lead to better teamwork and outcomes.”

Giving myself permission to let go—that was the first step toward building trust. As that realization sank in, I felt a weight lift from my chest.

The quiet night air seemed to whisper of a fresh start.

“Maybe I’ll try trusting myself a little more.”

A small smile crossed my lips as that thought took root.

The next morning, as I approached the project with a lighter mindset, I noticed something had shifted. There was a different rhythm, a new sense of momentum. The pieces started falling into place effortlessly, as though some invisible hand was guiding the flow.

That shift was just the beginning of a new current, one that would carry me toward even greater opportunities—

To be continued in Chapter 4: “The New Flow Born of Trust”